The Best of Me

I was talking to one of my male friends about relationships. We got to the topic of why we did not work out and it was funny how a 10 minute conversation has enlightened me tremendously about my role in my relationships. He told me how much he enjoys our friendship...how he loves being able to confide in me and be honest. He told me how attracted he is to me and how he would love to have a physical relationship. In my mind, bells went off because it is usually this type of conversation that leads into the dilemma of sleeping with mr. right now, or maintaining my friendship. I have had this conversation more times than I'd like to admit. I advised him that I have so much more to offer than just sex. He told me he knew this and that this is why he cherished our friendship so much. He says that the next step in such a close friendship is to express our mutual attraction between the sheets. Although I do agree that I would love to take this friendship to the next level, I began to wonder why he made it so obviously clear that although he loved me as a person, and wanted to sleep with me, he had no desire to have a serious relationship with me. He went on to explain that he did not want the arguments and hatred that could come of a relationship. It was important for him to always be able to maintain our friendship. But in essence, what he wanted was a friends with benefits type of relationship. Don't get me wrong. In this day and age, that theory is very liberal and free spirited. But it assumes that human beings can turn off emotion once it gets to a certain point. And we all know it can't be done. Everything is always changing. Once you enter into an arrangement like that, either it gets better or worse. If you like it, you want more. If you don't like it, you want less. And lets hope that you both want the same things (more or less). In my mind, a friendship just isn't worth the gamble. If you want to make love, there are no rules. There are no boundaries or formats of how to control it. It just takes off and never stops until it's too stifled or broken to go any further. It would be different if he just wanted to get laid. That would be pretty easy. He wants to make love and be loved and cared for. He wants the texts and phone calls without any obligation or commitment. He wants me in a negligee, hair done, and freshly groomed. No day to day struggles, morning breath or dirty laundry. He wants the best of me. And only the best of me. This is the most selfish thing I have ever heard. But I am pondering it, because it reminds me of the mistress syndrome. Where the grass is greener because it is cultivated to be that way. A chance for her to be perfect in his eyes. All of my life I have saved the best of me for the man who will accept the worst in me also. Is it fair that a man who never sees my flaws, my humanity, my struggles and imperfections, should be the one who gets the best of me?